DeMarye's Soapbox

Ok so I know it has been over 5 months since I last posted anything, and I really hate my first post to be a huge vent, but unfortunately it is. I wish I could say being a mom is the most wonderful experience any young woman can have but in my case a lot of bad has come with it. First off I am back on anti-depressants, which judging by this post, guess what I forgot to take today. Since I have a history of anxiety disorders, the hospital would not let me leave without speaking to a social worker and getting a Rx for pills, since I am a high candidate for postpartum depression. I don’t know if I am 100% clear of the diabetes, but every so often I do check my blood glucose and each time is has been in normal range. So these things are ok… however, now that I am a mom, I feel like I am the sole carrier of some plague. Let me explain. None of my “so called” friends, whom I used to hang out with regularly, seem to even want to have anything to do with me. The type of mood I am in today, I have half a mind to list them by name, since I am sure none of them would ever read this blog. All of the rest make it a point to see me only if I come to them, and being a mom, its hard for me to coordinate Kaylen’s schedule and meet-ups with these friends since I ALWAYS have to drive to see them. You would think they would try to drive my way some time just so I don’t have to lug the stroller, diaper bag and baby w/ car seat out to citrus heights or south Sacramento, or natomas or some other area out side of my neighborhood just to visit for an hours or so. Most of the time I am home alone, due to Jesse’s still crappy work schedule, so more often then not I just spend the evening at my sister’s house so I have some sort of adult interaction outside of work and the occasional guy looking to hook up with me, for their own pleasure, on-line (gotta love the perverts). Other then my sister and one co-worker, the only other people I seem to communicate with on a regular basis is my friend Minh (thank the Gods or him) and my friend Suz (whom I love dearly). The rest have pretty much black flagged me.

Lets see, first there is Sabastian. I know he is busy, with work full time and school full time, but before I had the baby and before we moved, I saw him quite regularly. He used to make me laugh, saying I was carrying his love child (a funny thought considering he is gay). He hasn’t been to my new house or seen the baby at all. Then there is Luna, I have to drive 40 minutes out of my way just to visit with her. She never invites me anywhere because “I didn’t think you could with the baby”… or she just doesn’t think I would want to go out. When she wants to meet up with me its always, “can you get someone to watch the baby?”. So you can imagine how that makes me feel. I used to see her all the time before I had the baby. Who else… um, there’s Carmen, who says she wants to see the baby, 3 months ago… then just last weekend she has a birthday party and I hear about it after the fact, wasn’t invited, probably because of the baby, even though Carmen lives 5 minutes from my mom and I could have gotten a sitter.

I don’t have many friends as it is, but the very few of them I do have all stopped coming around, with the exception of Suz and Minh. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom, and I absolutely adore Kaylen, but, it hurts to be snuffed by those who are supposed to be there for you. Like I have something contagious, it hurts.

Posted by DeMarye on Monday, May 22, 2006 at 11:59 AM | Permalink