DeMarye's Soapbox

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!!!!!





One Year ago today I started this blog so for all of those who have been here from the beginning, please join me in my blogger Birthday Celebration. May this blog continue going strong!

Posted by DeMarye at 4:18 PM | Permalink | Comments

Oh my god, why is it when people need something done it is always at the last minute? That was the situation this afternoon at work when I was called to help out another employee with a project. She emailed me around 3 asking if I could come to her desk, and when I got there she had a copy job for me, one copy to be made for an employee in one of our regional offices. Sounds simple enough right? Well the one copy was a document some 600+ pages and she wanted it overnighted that day. So about 45 minutes of standing in front of a photocopier, I got about ¼ of the way through. Knowing that the mailroom had a deadline for mail being sent out, I hurried downstairs to the mailroom and hoped that someone would be able to assist me in my now panicked state.. When I got down there the one person who could help me was out finishing mail runs. I was about to give up and go back upstairs to attempt to finish the copy on our slow ass machine when in he walked. I was so relieved when he said he could help. So long story short, I lucked out and was able to get a 2-hour job done in ½ the time and it even made the deadline for mail pickup. So here I sit with just about 10 minutes left at work and man am I glad today is over with.

One, minute down, 9 left…and counting.

Posted by DeMarye at 4:51 PM | Permalink | Comments

Final hour 12/29/04 Danielle C.

You think you know me,
What’s inside my head?
You think you own me,
Your delusional my friend,
You rip inside my mind,
Steal away my soul,
You think you know what’s in my head,
The secrets that is holds,

You think you know me,
The innocence I possess
You think you own me,
Know the secrets to my success
Your insanity it spreads,
You’ve taken away my will
You think you know me
I suck you down like a jagged pill,

You leave a taste of sour,
Down to my final hour…
…and now I’m gone.

Posted by DeMarye at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments

We never wound up going to visit my friend yesterday; she was having some medical complications and was most likely going to have to go to the doctors. I am so worried about her and all I can do is pray that she will be ok, I am not very religious but sometimes praying is all you have left to do.

I had a really good day off yesterday and even though I didn’t go out of town I was still able to get out, even if only for a few hours. I hooked up with my friend Danielle Barber and my friend Luna and we went out to lunch and to two different stores (Petsmart [I needed Hermit Crab supplies] and Michael’s Crafts [Luna needed some things for her cross stitching]). So that was the extent of my day. When I got home I ate a nice warm bowl of homemade turkey soup and spent the rest of the evening doing as little as humanly possible (which involved watching back to back episodes of a very twisted animated series called “Drawn Together”, an Animated Reality Show that airs on Comedy Central and playing the Sims 2 on my laptop).

I am concerned that I may be having some issues with depression because I find it is harder and harder for me to get up and face the day every morning. I have also been taking offense to things that would normally not bother me. I am either depressed or my hormones are all out of whack, either way I find myself thinking that I would much rather be home in bed then out and with people. I sure hope this feeling passes soon, because I am not going to want to have to be dealing with this and going back to school.

Other then that my appetite hasn’t come back all the way since I was sick with that chest bug for two weeks. I haven’t been eating much for breakfast (just a banana), I usually always have eaten a small lunch so that hasn’t changed any, but when it is time to eat dinner I am not too hungry and would rather snack then actually eat a full meal. I have no idea what is going on with me but I hope I am back to normal real soon because I really don’t feel like myself anymore and I don’t like that feeling.

I think I lost myself somewhere and I am afraid I wont be able to find myself.

Posted by DeMarye at 3:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

Alone too long... written 12/28/04 by Danielle C.

The warmth of a loved one,
Nothing can compare
To the look in their eyes
To that loving stare
To the feel of their touch
Brushed across bare skin
Nothing can compare
To the warmth within

Nothing can compare
To the feel of your lips
Kissing so soft
With every touch
To the feel of your arms
Wrapped tight around me
Nothing can compare
To any of these things

Nothing can compare
To the sound of your voice
So sweet in nature
Your words strung without care
Your sweet serenade
A thousand times never old
Nothing can compare
To each story they have told

Nothing can compare
While you are away
Nothing can compare
But the memories they fade.

Posted by DeMarye at 1:02 PM | Permalink | Comments

OK, so today I decided to share a little of something amazing to me, or something I feel is pretty cool. My oldest nephew is going to turn 7 next month. One of the times he was over my mom’s visiting he and my brother Michael decided to play a little game of chess. My Nephew, Jacob, had been learning to play with his dad so we weren’t too sure how good at it he really was. Well to make a long story short, apparently my nephew put my brother in check in 5 moves. We were all amazed. The fact that a 7 year old put a 27 year old in check…lol

Jacob is our little smarty-pants, and this either proves that he is very good a learning or that my brother is really bad a chess…lol (but truth be told, it’s the first one)

Posted by DeMarye at 1:05 PM | Permalink | Comments

My Christmas was good, the best part was getting to go visit my Nannu on Saturday. This was his first Christmas without my Nanna Pauline, she passed away last March (Christmas was her favorite Holiday). So it was very important for me to go see him on Saturday. When i left I was given something I will always hold dear, some old items of clothing that once belonged to my late Nanna. It made me feel so good to be able to have these items of her, and in a sense I got to have a little bit of her to hold onto when I miss her the most.

In other news, I am going to visit a fellow FRG Wife tomorrow with my friend Danielle Barber. We are going to try to bring her a little cheer at a piont of her life that is posing to be quite a difficult time for her. This is also a great opportunity for me to get out of Sacramento for the day. I so need a break from this place even if only for the day and what would make it better, is making the great escape with good friends.

I cant wait to get away.

Posted by DeMarye at 11:14 PM | Permalink | Comments

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

**oh yeah and I got my coat, woohoo!**

Posted by DeMarye at 8:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

Ok, so today’s entry is less then typical for me but I want to share this nonetheless. Below you will find black and white photos of random things. These photos were taken with my Ansco ShurShot Camera, dated 1932(?), with a roll of Kodak T-max 120 Film (8 exposure). I found this nifty little camera on ebay for a very, very low price and decided to see if that little box camera actually worked and loe and behold, it did. For the first time every using it, I think I did ok.






ok, this one was of the x-mas tree at the frg party. It turned out ok.





this one is of a little boy in bdu’s, I had a little issue with camera shake here.





this one was weird, the subject was the little girl (my new little buddy), but she was out of focus and everything behind her was very clear, sort of a reverse depth of field.





this one is of sgt d of jesse’s unit. it turned out pretty good and I like the angle.





this one is of my friend danielle and her baby abi. i love this picture but for some reason the negative scratched, I wonder if I can touch this one up.





table display, this one is a little blurry but it still came out.





balloons, this one turned out the best, it was taken outside so I have come to the conclusion that this little box camera is perfect for outside shots.

Posted by DeMarye at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments

First of all I wanted to let everyone know I passed all of my classes…. YAY!!!!!! And if all of you couldn’t tell, I am so happy about this. I was so worried about this semester’s grades because of all of the time I had to take off. I tried so hard not to fall behind in any of my classes and keep up in all of my work and I guess it paid off. Thank god for that. No more stressing, at least for a little while. I have no idea why I allow myself to get so worked up about school; I usually always do pretty well.

What else…. Oh I got to open a Christmas present early, thank you Minh and Luna (I so love these guys), so I got a really great gift, the box set of the Harry Potter Movies. I was so stoked when I opened it up. That was the best gift I have gotten so far, next to my coat I can’t have until Saturday morning (lol, yes I really want that coat, come to think of it, I probably wouldn’t have gotten a cold if I had been wearing that coat instead of my old fleece coat, with the hole in the pocket). But now as I sit here typing this I am cold so I am going to be putting on this rickety old coat in hopes of staying warm, as long as I remember not to put anything in that pocket I should be fine…lol.

Man what a day, there really isn’t anything going on at work, so I am just sitting here typing away and listening to my headphones because my stupid computer at work doesn’t work right (the CD Drive wont open anymore, by fault of the IT Department here). I think everyone is on an early vacation or something because the phone lines have been real quite today, usually we get tons of calls. I am contemplating if I could actually get away with taking a nap over here in my little corner of this floor, I am pretty far away from my supervisors and it is always pretty quite over here. There is no one ever over here and we are slow enough that I might actually be able to get away with it, if I was willing to try that is. I think what will most likely happen is I will just break down and read one of the books I brought with me to work. No harm in reading I guess. I just hate lazy days like this because I really would much rather be outside in the fresh air instead of cooped up in this office building all day.

I can feel my energy slowly draining as each slow minute passes…maybe I will take that nap.

Posted by DeMarye at 1:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

As I sit here at my desk I look around me and see the many things I have here at work. To my left I see tons of family pictures and various paintings and postcards I have hung for display. In front of me, yet behind my computer monitor is a crayon drawing of a rainbow, my oldest nephew Jacob drew for me and to my right I see my various Christmas Decorations and plants I am attempting to keep alive. One of these plants sticks out the most, an Orchid. With its radiant blooms of deep magenta flowers it amazes me that this little plant is still alive and well. This little plant, growing tall, has managed to survive the unreliable weather patterns of this towering office building and has managed to adapt itself to its surrounding and remain healthy inside, while the world slowly freezes on the outside. This building is simply a shell to protect it for the harsh elements outside. Life is a lot like this little plant, almost everything I can think of needs something bigger to protect it and help it thrive. Its when one of these protective elements gets removed that the one being protected begins to feel vulnerable to its surroundings. The same goes for people. One person, in a sense, is being protected by their family, and the family is protected by the home in which they live. I did find a home to live in with family but the removal of my protector (Jesse) has left me feeling vulnerable to the elements around me. Because of the vulnerability I find myself wondering about the “what ifs” and “might have beens” in my life. I have tried so hard to be what everyone expects of me that I forgot to be the most important thing, myself. And now I am trying to figure out who I really am. I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, an auntie, and a friend, these things I am positive of, but it’s the rest of me that is clouded. Jesse told me to find myself while he is away, and like typical Danielle, I wait until the last minute for everything and with 3 months left till Jesse’s final return I am more confused about myself then I was before he left. I did find out that I really do love Photography, Writing and drawing. I am compassionate towards others and always want to lend a helping hand. That sometimes I don’t think before I do things and that gets me into trouble. I am easily swayed to trust people and open my heart to everyone. I want to be the best at what I do, but don’t know quite what I want to do yet. One thing I can truly say has improved, but also needs improving is my self-esteem. I still manage to find a way to put myself down, usually after I have had a rough day or have forgotten to take my medication. My self-esteem has always been my arch nemesis and I have managed to have an ongoing war with it since I was in kindergarten some, hundreds of thousands of years ago (nah not that long, probably more like 20 years but you get the picture). So with that in mind you all can sort of understand why I have issues with it then. This has been a problem for 20+ years of my life and now that I have reached an age where people are nicer and I am getting attention from all sexes, I don’t know how to handle it and overall feel like I am unworthy of having such energy spent on me. It makes me feel good, but at the same time, I am not used to it. This is the part that has improved though; I know I am a great person, funny, witty, smart, artistic, imaginative, nice and caring, all qualities I personally would love to find in my acquaintances. So knowing all of this and accepting that I am who I am, I don’t understand why I still have a problem with my esteem. I still have a long way to go before I begin to understand Me as a whole, but this is something I am willing so spend my time and energy figuring out.

I wonder if I call Merry Maids, if they can come clean out my head for me and how much they would charge…lol

Posted by DeMarye at 1:40 PM | Permalink | Comments

Ok, so I am wondering if I should be mislead by the fact that I am feeling better. I thought I was feeling better last week and managed to have a relapse of my cold. Well whatever the result, I am still managing to drag my happy tush to work in the morning, regardless if I feel good or not. (A girl gotta make money… to pay off her Christmas bills that is!)

Other then that nothing has been going on in my boring ol' life. Just waiting for my grades to get posted so I can see how good, or bad I did in my classes…and anxiously waiting for Christmas to come and go and to get my new coat from my mom, which I picked out over a month ago and still have to wait till Christmas to open. I know what it looks like but she insists on wrapping it up and making me open it. I WANT MY COAT!!! Whaaaaaaaahhhh, ok I’m done acting like a baby

Ok so I am going to end my little temper tantrum with my music video for the week….

Video provided by Alfred

Posted by DeMarye at 9:38 PM | Permalink | Comments

Ok, so just when I thought I had finally beat this cold, I wake up the next day feeling worse then I did the day before and now, 2 days later, I am still feeling like crap. So today, other then a trip to the post office and the store, I am planning a relax and feel better day for Danielle. I hate not feeling well and I think yesterday finally it hit my mom that I wasn't faking and I really didn't feel so good (I told her I was going to lay down for a one hour nap and it turned into a 2 1/2 hour long nap). All I have to say about this is that this is the crappiest way to start my winter break.

I think I am going to lay down for a bit.... I just hope this clears up before Christmas.

Posted by DeMarye at 1:27 PM | Permalink | Comments

I can breath again... It's a miracle!!!!

Well today was spent wrapping up the Christmas wrapping. I just a few gifts I need to mail out and crossing my fingers that they get to their destinations in time (one will be going to Georgia and the other to Australia). I know that the second gift may not get there in time but its the thought that counts and I hope that He will enjoy what I am sending him (a little bit of home for me).

Anyway I am feeling almost 100% better. I still have a lingering cough but other then that I feel pretty good. My mom and her Boy Friend are going to his son's tonight so I opted to stay home, 1) I dont want to risk getting anyone sick, 2) I just dont feel like dressing up, & 3) I just want to relax because i have a big day ahead of me tomorrow. It's my mom's Annual Christmas Homade Pizza Night.
Tons of people are supposed to be here tomorrow night and I am a little worried about the crowed. My Anxiety has been a little worse lastely and that is also why I am opting to stay home tonight... I just can't deal with the crowds, especially when I am not feeling well.

So tonight I plan on having a nice quite evening alone..... lets see if it actually happens.

Posted by DeMarye at 5:02 PM | Permalink | Comments

"Lights End" BY: Danielle C. Written 12/17/04

The endless void
Of the nothingness
As I look into his eyes
His corneas like a bottomless pits
A place no life resides
You look in hope of a beam of light,
The light that will show the way
Some small spark of passion
To uncover his soul’s masquerade
Peering deeper yet
His darkness it devours
All that life has graced
With lights loving power
You’re taken in without hesitation
Deeper you have fallen
What seems like hours
Subdued in the dark
No concept of the end
Where is up, down
No understanding of what is around
Suspended in his misery
The darkness it has found

Consuming light

Posted by DeMarye at 3:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

So today is going pretty bad, I may have to go home early if I can. I am still not feeling too well and I am so tired. I haven’t been sleeping too well these last few nights and I am not to sure as to exactly why. Its like I can’t sleep so I stay up until I am tired, then I cant seem to wake up in the morning. This cold is kicking my butt on top of it and I really think I should have stayed in bed today but I know that my mom wouldn’t have let me so I made the decision to go to work solely on the fact that I would probably get more rest here or at least some time to read a little and catch up on blogging. I got a few offline messages from Jesse last night and I was sad that I missed him. He said he would try to give me a call today but I haven’t heard from him yet. I am not too worried though because I know he will call me when he gets a chance and I am sure he has been busy with working. I cannot wait till this is all over and he is home for good. Soon I keep reminding myself, soon, and wont it be great?

Today I called on a job that was posted in the Sunday Church Bulletin. Folks keep your fingers crossed, because this could be my out to a job that I may actually enjoy. I am so in the position right now where I don’t care about pay and will work with the hours, as long as the job places me in a field that I would be happy in and give me the chance to have a full time job. (Please, please, paaaallllleeeesssseeee!!! Let me get an interview) I really think I could do some good there (The job is with the Saint Patrick’s Home for Children).


Other then that… I am so relieved that school is out, I have been looking forward to some me time for a long, long time, lets just hope I can get some time in for things I want to accomplish. I am also going to attempt to get my license… Partly so I can pick Jesse up from BT Collins all by myself when he comes back for good and partly because I am tired of my family picking on me because I am 24 and have no license (that seems to be a big theme amongst family members whenever I am around them). So that is going to be one of my top priorities, getting a license and a new job.

We will see....

Posted by DeMarye at 1:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

So what can I say, I still feel bleh, and on top of it I am also tired. The tired part is my own fault because I stayed up very late last night and had a hard time failing asleep and staying asleep. I don’t know how I am going to survive the day; I guess I am going to have to drink plenty of tea or something. Anyway I think because I didn’t get enough sleep last night I am still feeling icky. (Written around 10-something am)…

Well I started writing this blog entry when I first got into the office today (10:00 am), and now it is the afternoon. I am feeling a lot better, less of the bleh but now I have a headache. I got a special treat today too, all of the Administrative Assistants for the Division I work for, sort of a Christmas party for five. It was a very nice lunch at a small Mediterranean Style Restaurant and very yummy too.

Let see, other then that I am doing ok. Today I learned something new, you cannot take camera-enabled phones into Federal Buildings, I guess for security reasons. The sad thing was the building I tried to go into was just the local post office, as for security issues, what am I going to do take pictures of postage request forms or stamps, sheesh. Anyway, I just have to remember not to take that phone into that post office whenever I go in there (or I just buy my stamps somewhere else).

So yes I got a new phone. A nifty little Motorola V220. It is pretty sweet and Danielle’s gift to herself for Christmas. Now I need to buy a case for it and I am set.

Now that it has slowed down, time seems to be slowly passing by. I really wish it were time to leave already. I am dreading the bus ride home, it always takes so long and I usually wined up having someone who smells funny, sit next to me. You know if I think they smell funny, I wonder if they think the same about me…lol. Oh the things we think of when we are bored out of our minds. Lucky me I brought a book to work with me so if it gets too slow I can always read. I also have my sketchbook, so I can doodle too.

Now if only I could work on the waking up thing… yawn…

Posted by DeMarye at 3:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

Finals are almost over.. although I am worried about passing all of my classes. I know for a fact that I passed my photography class, which means I finally get to graduate... Woooo Whoooo!

I just have to wait and see how things work out. (I am sure I will pass)

Lets see, other then that, I haven't talked to Jesse in a week, so I hope he calls home, or me at least, very soon. Also I have managed to get a cold and think that I have developed an ear infection. If my ears are still bugging me I am so calling my doctor in the morning. I know I wait to call on certain things but when it comes to my ears, I am not going to be foolish enough to wait on that. I am proned to ear infections and have tubes in my ears to help me hear... so when I get ear infections I get them real, real bad, so this is something I so don't want to wait around on.

ARGH!!!!

Posted by DeMarye at 9:23 PM | Permalink | Comments

OMG am I glad this weekend is pretty much over. I was busy busy busy and this morning I woke with a sore throat and to the sound of my sister's kids... again....It seems like right now, this very minute, is the first time in 3 days I have had peace and quite and now that I have it I have no idea what to do with it.

With my sore throat i am so craving warm substances to drink and am seriously contimplating making myself a hot cup of Chai Tea to sip, but right now I really don't wan't to do anything, just sit and enjoy the quite.

So in the hast of having nothing to accomplish at this very time, I am attempting to download some software for my laptop, which has proven to be quite the task since I am using Dial-up.

at this point and time I have 62 minutes left, when I started, it was 156 minutes... so lets just say I have been having to find things to occupy myself with in the mean time. Thus writing in my blog and chatting online via Yahoo messenger (So if there is anyone out there on Yahoo and wants to talk, you can find me under... wussamattayu).

58 minutes left.... and counting.

Posted by DeMarye at 6:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

Today went ok, not quite as I had planned but ok nonetheless. My friend Luna didn’t wined up making it to the party because of issues with her truck, so I had to find a ride at the last minute. There were tons of people at the party and I actually think the only time I got to sit and enjoy myself was when it was time to eat, the rest of the time I was running around and talking. We had a great turn out and even though I am sure more people could have gone (especially from HHC’s FRG), it was still nice to see all of those cheery faces. The party managed to fall on a drill weekend so we were able to get some of the reservists to aid in setting up, which was very cool.

Oh, Jesse if you happen to read this, Pucket said to say hi… he said you would know who he was talking about (apparently everyone knows who Pucket is…lol).

We also got some news coverage. At one point I saw both news station 3 and 13 roaming through the party goers. I will most likely check in the morning to see if it made the papers.

Other then that life is like it always is stressful, trying, with an occasional reminder that you’re not perfect and that like the rest of the world, you need to be.

I did have great fun at the party but the way life has been for me these last few weeks I really feel like I need to disappear, taking with me 3 items, my Cat, Camera and my laptop and *poof* away I go. I might take my cell phone, but only in case Jesse calls, otherwise that’s it. OK so I have one more week left of school then its time for winter break… boy-o-boy have I been waiting for this, I need some time off from school. I plan on getting a few personal things accomplished while off on break, hopefully I will stick to my guns and actually get things done (I would gladly share with you these things I have set out to accomplish, BUT opt not to so that if I never get around to doing them, you all can’t pick on me for not finishing what I originally intended on doing).

What else... hmmm...Oh, today I tried out my new, OLD, Ansco Shur Shot Box Camera, I say old because this thing is very old, dates back to 1932 (if anyone out there actually knows the correct date please correct me). Anyway, I also bought a roll of film for it today, costing just under $4.00 a roll for 8 exposures. I am going to try to see if I can find a place to develop the film and see if this little thing actually still works. If the film turns out I will post the pictures online.

Other then that nothing else it really going on, just trying to relax and wind down from a really busy and stressful day, but then again for someone with G.A.D. everyday is a stressful day.

Posted by DeMarye at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments

And now for your listening pleasure......PAPA ROACH!!!!

Video provided by Alfred

Posted by DeMarye at 3:58 PM | Permalink | Comments

OK so where to began. How about yesterday, since I was unable to post that day.

I woke up to the wonderful surprise of a phone call from Jesse. It is always nice to get wakeup calls from him. At one point he stopped to say something to someone in the room with him and then later told me that she was a fellow reader of my blog. I keep on forgetting that I have been told there are several readers of my blog that are part of Jesse’s unit and every time I am shocked by it. I never thought I would never get that much attention by my daily rants, bitches and moans but it is nice to know there are people out there reading and even more exciting to me to know they are part of our own 319th Signal Batallion. So anyway, I had a wonder talk with him and was on cloud nine for most of the day. I made my way to school to take the last exam for one of my classes and managed to score awful, I just hope that with the last assignment turned in and all of the study guides I did for the class that I still manage to get a B, although I would gladly take a C (which I know I have at this point and time) but like the sound of a B much better. Who wouldn’t?

After my day of classes I made the executive decision, ok I lied- Jesse told me to go ahead and go, and met up with our friend John and went to a concert. It was ok. Not the best one I have ever gone to but so far not the worst (afterall I did see William Hung in concert you know the guy who sings/butchered “She Bangs” or also known as the American Idol Reject) anyway, so a long story short the whole reason why I even went was to see Papa Roach play. I love them and they rock!!!! So with that in mind, I had to sit through a few other bands before I got to see Papa Roach in action and although they weren’t bad, it was hard to get into it since I haven’t listened to much of their music before, at least with Papa Roach I have like 2 of their CD’s. Overall the night was nice, it did me some good to get out and have a little fun. John was a little grumpy but that was due to the fact that he had been up since 5:00 am that morning so I didn’t let it get to me much. Other then that it was pretty cool.

Tomorrow is the big Battalion wide Christmas Party and I am so stoked. I can’t wait to see how everything is going to look and it will be great to see everyone again and meet some new faces. Hopefully I wont have a problem with their names, but thankfully there will be nametags (I am so awful with names). They are supposed to have someone as Santa for the kids and hand out gifts for all the kids. They got a bunch of toys donated from Wal-Mart, which is very awesome. Overall I am sure the party is going to be a big hit. I am going to take my camera and try to take some pictures, maybe post one or two of them up here.

So to tell you all how off I have been these last few weeks I didn’t realize that this blog has been active since December 28, 2003, so with the new year approaching we also get to wish my blog a happy birthday. This has been a great way for me to express myself and share my life with all of the wonderful people who happen to visit my little corner of the web. I think this blog has helped me tremendously in dealing with the deployment of my husband and as the months away come to an end I find myself wondering what I would have done without the occasional encouraging comments post or email from one of my readers. I just cant believe that Jesse has been gone for a year, it feels like yesterday but at the same time it feel like it has been such a long time. Soon he will be coming home and I am certain of this because he told me that they have started preparing for the return trip. This brings me a tremendous feeling of relief and I am glad that soon he will be back home and surrounded by those who love and care for him. We all miss the world of him and life has defiantly been different without him here.

Soon, that’s all I keep telling myself, soon.

Well wow, this is a long blog. I am sure I have kept you all long enough, and as much as I love sharing my life with you well, tomorrow is another day and so with it comes another blog. With the school semester ending I will hopefully have more time to write in here and my posts will be more regular. I hope all of you are having a wonderful Friday and for all of my friends overseas I hope you are resting well and know that I appreciate your devotion to our country and cannot wait to see all of you soon.

Stay safe and we love you!

Posted by DeMarye at 1:39 PM | Permalink | Comments

I finally had a breakthrough on my Agency report. It tool long enough mind you, that damn thing is due tomorrow. So tonight I have to take all of the stuff I found and compile it into a paper worth turning in. Other then that I have a chapter exam tomorrow and then next week my finals. I hope I pass my classes so that next semester I can graduate… finally. What will be even cooler about finally graduating is that Jesse will be home to see it and that will be the best thing ever for me. I will continue to school so I can obtain my certification in Associate Teaching and hope to eventually get a job working as a preschool teacher. Next to art, photography and poetry, I would love a career working with small children.

Other then that today was really, really busy at work and I can’t wait till I leave to go home. I worked an hour longer today so I feel like I should have been out of here an hour ago instead of still sitting in my office chair staring blankly at my computer screen. I know I could get more accomplished if I was home and at least not have to worry about that damn Agency Report. I would like to just be able to go home and start working right on it but we will have to see what needs to be done around the house first I guess.

I haven’t talked to Jesse in a while but like I said to my aunt earlier, “I am not too sure how he is doing, we haven't been able to connect, but I know he is doing ok, otherwise I would have heard something...” Usually Jesse calls home when things aren’t going quite as planned and he needs someone to listen to him, and that’s me, the owner of the most utilized pair of ears ever, which is sort of ironic because I have a slight hearing problem, but I never minded listening when someone needed to talk.

Other then that nothing new.

Posted by DeMarye at 4:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

So I still feel broken, my ankle is still killing me and I have almost resorted to purposely twisting it or cutting it off completely. My mom and also best friend have both suggested that maybe I should see my Doctor about it… cut off my leg, or see a Doctor… tough choice. I hate going to the Doctors but I guess if it’s free why not take advantage of what they are offering me. I think I will try to call them in the morning. In the mean time I am trying to stay off of it (which is hard since I walk everywhere) and I have it wrapped up in an ace bandage, but that doesn’t seem to be helping much. When I get home I am going to attempt to stay off my feet and give my ankle some rest (I can always wrap Christmas gifts).

I am pretty much finished with Christmas shopping and the rest of it I have to wait a little longer to do. I still have to buy something more for my mom and gifts for my friends Candace and Awilda. Other then that I am pretty sure I have everyone else covered. Today we sent out a box of gifts for Jesse and although we doubt it will get to him by Christmas, it is always better late then never. His mother doesn’t know we sent him anything but I feel that if she was any type of a good mother she would have automatically sent something to him. She hasn’t sent Jesse a damn thing since he has been gone and that is very sad. She did send something one time with a box from me but just to not have to pay for the shipping. As far as I am concerned the only people who really care about him are my family and me, she could care less.

I got two of my biggest projects out of the way for school and only have one left. Things are slowly wrapping up and I am looking forward to the break between semesters. I am getting worn out though because today, for no reason at all, I was dozing off in my afternoon class. I have been sleeping ok, not as good as I could be but as good as I can without Jesse by my side. I have finals next week and may take time off of work on Tuesday and Thursday to recover from the exams that day.

The FRG Christmas Party is this weekend and from what I have gathered, it is going to be huge. I think everyone is going to have a great time and I just hope that people from HHC actually show.

So much to do so little time… Everything will work out.

Posted by DeMarye at 4:48 PM | Permalink | Comments

Ok, so today my ankle is seriously killing me. I really need to have that checked out. I wake up every morning feeling like I am an 80-year-old woman; my legs are stiff and my knee and ankle ache. I have no idea why. I know if Jesse were home he would make me call the doctor and find out why I have these aches and pains. I know he was concerned when he came home on leave because I couldn’t get myself up off the floor if I knelt down to do something. I have a hard time getting back up when I get down on the floor to play with my niece and nephews. I am just afraid that when I start my own family I wont be able to get on the floor and play with them, and be an active parent. Before Tricare changed their providers last July, I was in the process of being tested for arthritis for my pain in my right hand, since then it has progressed to hand pain, knee pain and ankle pain. My mom’s boyfriend jokes about it and says I am just doing it to get out of helping my mom with housework. They both put off this attitude that because I am only 24 I shouldn’t be having these problems so I must be making it up. But every day I wake up and shuffle myself into the bathroom, wash my face, and then shuffle myself to the kitchen for breakfast. Once my joints warm up I can walk a little better, but once I step down wrong, like I did today while walking to the bus stop, then I seriously bug my ankle. I have a theory why my knee bugs me though, I was involved in a bicycle accident a few years back and I think the issue I am having is from the accident. I was hit by a truck and have a few scars from where the road rash was on my left kneecap. They aren’t very noticeable anymore but they are there to remind me, and with that I guess comes the pain from the accident. So my pains today are the explanation for my unkymood on the right (today I feel broken).

Last night while I was out I missed a call from my Soldier. I hate it when I miss his calls. He sounded so good though and I hope I get to hear from him again tonight (so Jesse if you are reading this call home tonight).

Ok so now that I am done moaning and complaining about my aches and pains I have decided to dedicate the rest of this blog to a topic I am sure you may find interesting. I have decided to share with all of you exactly what things I miss most about not having Jesse home.

First lets start with the things I miss. I miss being able to have someone to cuddle up with on cold winter nights. I miss walking hand in hand with him. I miss his smile and how I always had to work at him to give me one that wasn’t a cheesy smile. I miss him rubbing my tummy whenever I got a stomachache, or how I would wake up to him just looking at me. I miss our own space (as much as I appreciate my mom letting me move back home, I do miss my own personal space to just be me). I miss him waking me up off the couch whenever he got home real late from work. I miss all of the little things he would do that would drive me insane. I miss how he would take care of me when I was ill and then if he caught it he would refuse to let me help him. I miss how the only way I would ever get him to stay home from work when he was very sick, was if I made him call the advice nurse of our doctors office and they told him to stay home. I miss how he would take over the kitchen and cook dinner for me.

I basically miss all of him. Not only is Jesse my husband but he is my best friend. I feel so comfortable talking to him and it has been so hard for me to find someone I can open up too as much as I can with him. I have wonderful friends but I do tend to tell some of them more then others. There is also a lot about me even my closest of friends don’t even know. I don’t try to be mysterious that way I just have to be 100% comfortable with that person before I can tell them everything about me and even then they still don’t know everything.

Wow ok, so I just realized that I have written an awful lot for this entry so I guess I am going to leave it at whatever I have babbled on and one about and continue with another venting/ranting/or release tomorrow.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Posted by DeMarye at 1:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

Tonight was sushi night and all is good.

ummmm yummy.

Posted by DeMarye at 9:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

Man oh man, what I night I am going to have. I have all 3 of my sister’s kids tonight while they got see Tesla in concert. They need the time together and I am always willing to help, but I know I am going to be pooped tomorrow when I have to get up to go to school. My mom said she is going to help but I really don’t want her to do too much with her hands the way they are (remember she just had Carpal Tunnel Surgery done on both hands and is now in the recovery stage). Oh well I am sure this is going to be fun.

I made some progress on some of the assignments I am falling behind in. Last night I was able to research and locate 3 public agencies for an assignment I have to do regarding families and agencies to help them with specific problems. We got these case study cards and Mine had to do with a young boy being caught with drugs at school, so I, as a make-believe teacher, have to recommend 3 agencies to this make-believe family to help them with their problem. Then I have to contact one of the 3 agencies and interview them to find out what they would do for this family if they were their clients. It sounds like an interesting assignment but it was very hard to get motivated and started on. So now I am one step closer to finishing that one. The other two I have to work on are slowly coming together but I am not too worried. I figure whenever I get down time and I am not too tired I can work on them.

Things at home are ok. I can’t wait until I am done with this semester so I can work on some personal things I have managed to fall behind on, like cleaning my room and organizing my stuff. I think I am going to be packing some things up to take to storage even though I have them at the house, I just don’t have enough room and its hard to keep a little place clean when you have more stuff then needed in the room.

Other then that we have a 319th Battalion wide Christmas shindig coming up. I agreed to do body art for the kids, which entails a skin safe stamp set and skin safe body markers and a few stamps. Overall the event should be a blast and I am really looking forward to it. This is the first FRG related event I have gone to in a very long time and it is really sad. Its not like I haven’t been going, its just that the Company that my Husband is in, well our FRG… what’s the word… sucks! And everyone involved has pretty much poofed and disappeared, so nothing has been happening. I know I complain about them every so often but I think it would be easier on those who want to attend FRG related stuff if we were separated by company and just had a Battalion wide FRG. It makes sense to me. Anyway so I am really looking forward to this event and hopefully I will be able to see some familiar faces and get to know the ones I don’t.

Posted by DeMarye at 1:19 PM | Permalink | Comments